Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks
Barry McDonagh
Dare is a practical book that proposes inviting anxiety rather than fighting it. Barry McDonagh's DARE method argues that struggling against anxiety feeds it, while allowing the symptoms, even relabelling them as excitement, breaks the fear-of-fear loop. It is a good starting point for anyone dealing with panic attacks or general anxiety who wants concrete steps.
When your heart starts racing, your first move is probably to make it stop. McDonagh argues that this exact reflex is the problem.
The book in essence
The book's claim is simple and counterintuitive: anxiety symptoms are not dangerous, but treating them as dangerous and fighting them makes the alarm louder. So McDonagh looks for the solution not in eliminating symptoms but in changing our relationship to them. DARE has four steps: Defuse, Allow, Run toward and Engage.
To be honest, most of the ideas are not new. Readers who know Claire Weekes's classic work, exposure therapy or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) will recognise them. The book's value lies in packaging this knowledge in plain, encouraging, immediately usable language. It does not replace working with a professional when anxiety is severe or long-lasting.
Who it's for
- People who have panic attacks and live in fear of the next one
- Anyone tired of fighting anxiety and looking for a different approach
- People who want daily tools to complement therapy
Who it's not for
- — Readers expecting scientific references and deep clinical analysis
- — Anyone in crisis, or facing severe depression or trauma, who plans to rely on a book alone
Key lessons
01
Anxiety is an alarm, not an enemy
A pounding heart, shortness of breath, a knotted stomach: these are the sounds of your body's threat alarm. For McDonagh, the problem is not the alarm itself but its oversensitivity. Think of a smoke detector that goes off for burnt toast as readily as for a fire. Symptoms are not proof of danger or weakness; they are an overreaction from a protective system. Once you learn the signals, you can swap 'something terrible is happening to me' for 'the alarm is ringing'. That small reframe thins the second layer of fear we pile on top of anxiety.
Hannah is on a crowded Northern Line train in London when her heart suddenly speeds up. She used to get off at the next stop, convinced it was a heart attack. This time she tells herself, 'Oversensitive smoke detector,' names each symptom and stays on. Within minutes the pounding settles by itself.
02
The struggle switch: fighting feeds it
Fighting, suppressing or fleeing anxiety feels natural. But your brain reads that effort as 'so there really is danger' and turns the alarm up. This is the core idea of the book: what feeds anxiety is usually not the symptoms but our struggle against them. Repeating 'don't panic' to yourself is like thrashing in quicksand; the more you move, the deeper you sink. The way out is to flip the switch off, to stop trying to fix the feeling and let it be there.
Before a board presentation in Chicago, Daniel notices his hands shaking. He presses them flat on the table to stop it, and the shaking gets worse. At the next meeting he doesn't resist: 'They can shake, that's fine.' He starts talking, and ten minutes in he no longer notices his hands at all.
03
Dare the wave: invite it in
This is the heart of DARE. When a wave of anxiety arrives, you answer it with 'So what?' and then invite it to stay, even to get stronger. McDonagh goes one step further: anxiety and excitement feel almost identical in the body, so calling a racing heart 'excitement' changes what it means. When the fear of fear loses its fuel, the wave peaks and recedes on its own. The goal is not to make anxiety vanish but to stop being afraid of it.
Waiting in a long checkout line at a Toronto mall, Priya feels the familiar tightness in her chest. Instead of abandoning her cart, she thinks, 'Come on, show me your best,' and labels the feeling excitement. The wave rises, lingers for a moment, then fades. She pays and walks out calm.
04
Climb the fear ladder, one rung at a time
Information alone does not convince the brain; experience does. Facing a feared situation in small, repeated steps writes 'this is survivable' into your nervous system. The crucial part is dropping safety behaviours: always carrying a water bottle, sitting near the exit, never going without a companion. They soothe in the short term but tell the brain 'I only survived because of these.' Climb at your own pace and repeat each rung until the alarm calms down.
Tom is afraid of driving on the motorway. First he drives one junction on the M25 early on a Sunday. Next week he does three junctions, then his full commute. He stops keeping his phone on speaker with his sister. A month later he drives to work; the anxiety still visits but no longer steers.
Try this today
Next time anxiety rises today, spend 30 seconds not trying to stop it. Say 'So what?', name the feeling and invite it to come a little more. Then note what happened.
Quick check
According to the book, what feeds anxiety the most?
On the fear ladder, what slows progress the most?
Selected quotes
“So what? Whatever!”
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
“What you resist, persists.”