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Concept

Crisis points

Crisis points is Sonja Lyubomirsky's term for the major turning points of adult life, a marriage or a divorce, a promotion or a layoff, a diagnosis, a milestone birthday. Because these moments disrupt our habits of mind, they also offer a chance to change them.

One of the central ideas of The Myths of Happiness is that these moments are not only threats or prizes. A crisis point can confirm a myth about happiness ('now I'll be happy for good', 'now I can never be happy') or open a space to choose differently. Lyubomirsky does not overstate that space. Some people report closer relationships and clearer priorities after hardship, which psychologists call post-traumatic growth, but this is not true of everyone and is never an obligation; a loss that stays a loss is not a personal failure. The more widely supported claim is modest: at a turning point, the story we tell ourselves about it and the practices we keep up through it influence what comes next. Where low mood lasts for weeks, or comes with trouble sleeping or eating or thoughts of self-harm, help from a doctor or a mental health professional is a natural part of the process.

A real-life example

A regional manager at a logistics company in Eskişehir learns that his role will be cut after a merger. In the first week he sees it as the end of his career. Then he writes a one-page plan: he rewrites his 'I can't be happy when…' sentence, keeps his weekly cycling rides, talks to a former colleague and enrols in the project management certificate he has put off for years.

How to use it

  1. 1On an ordinary day, write a one-page plan for your next crisis point: the myth you will not believe, the practice you will keep and whom you will ask for help.
  2. 2At a crisis point, write down the sentence you are telling yourself about it and rebuild it honestly.
  3. 3If low mood lasts for weeks, ask a doctor or a mental health professional for help.