Concept
Separation of Tasks
Separation of tasks is the Adlerian practice of sorting a tangled situation by asking who ultimately lives with the outcome of a choice, then treating that choice as that person's task and no one else's.
Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga turn Alfred Adler's psychology into a long dialogue. They trace most trouble between people to one source: we either step into someone else's task or let others step into ours. The sorting test is one question. Who ultimately lives with the outcome of this choice? Whoever that is owns the decision. This is not indifference. You can still offer help, information or your honest view. What you cannot do is force the choice, because the consequences will land on them, not you. It runs the other way too. How others judge your choices is their task. Chasing their recognition hands your direction to people who never asked to carry it, and you end up living a life that isn't yours. The relief comes from putting each weight back where it belongs.
A real-life example
Daniel's sixteen-year-old son is skipping revision three weeks before his exams. For days Daniel has been checking his phone, nagging at dinner and losing sleep. Then he asks the question: who lives with these grades? His son does. So Daniel says once, calmly, that he will help with maths any evening his son asks, and he stops policing. Dinner gets quieter. Two weeks later, his son knocks on the study door holding a past paper.
How to use it
- 1Name the choice at the centre of the tangle in one plain sentence, such as "whether my sister takes this job."
- 2Ask who ultimately lives with the outcome. If it is not you, offer help once and clearly, then leave the decision with them.
- 3If the choice is yours, decide by your own values. Other people's reactions are their task, not a vote you have to win.