“The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.”

Why it was said

Nathaniel Branden's line belongs to his treatment of self-acceptance, one of the six practices on which The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem builds its case. He argues that we cannot change what we refuse to see, or what we see but refuse to own as ours.

What it actually means

The order is the point. Most people try to jump from noticing a problem straight to fixing it, and skip the middle step because it is uncomfortable. Acceptance in Branden's sense is not approval or resignation. It is the refusal to deny, disown or argue with what is true about you: I did that, I feel this, this is how I actually behave. Without it, awareness turns into self-attack, and self-attack produces defensiveness rather than change. With it, the problem stops being something you hide from and becomes something you can stand next to and work on. Change becomes possible precisely when you stop fighting the fact that it is needed.

How to use it

1. 1Write one pattern you dislike in yourself as a plain statement of fact, without an insult attached.
2. 2Notice when you start explaining away a mistake, and say "yes, I did that" before any explanation.
3. 3Only once you can describe the pattern calmly, choose one small thing to do differently.