“Negative thoughts are normal. Don't fight them; defuse them.”

Why it was said

Russ Harris gives this as the third of the ten rules of confidence in The Confidence Gap (2010). It introduces defusion, the skill at the centre of acceptance and commitment therapy, the approach on which the book is built.

What it actually means

Most confidence advice tells people to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Harris argues that this rarely works, because the mind produces self-doubt automatically, especially before anything that matters, and arguing with it keeps attention fixed on it. Defusion takes a different route: instead of disputing a thought such as "I'm going to fail", you notice it as a thought, a string of words the mind is producing, and let it be there while you act anyway. Simple techniques help, such as prefacing it with "I'm having the thought that...". The thought may not disappear, but it stops giving orders. Acceptance and commitment therapy has a reasonable evidence base, though results vary across conditions and studies.

How to use it

1. 1The next time a self-critical thought appears before a task, repeat it silently with "I'm having the thought that..." in front of it, then start the task.
2. 2Write down the three thoughts your mind repeats most often when you are anxious, and give the set a short name you can recognise next time.