Quote
“Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.”
— Brené Brown, in Daring Greatly (2012) · Daring Greatly →
Why it was said
Brené Brown writes this in her chapter on understanding and combating shame, the emotion her research kept finding underneath people's reluctance to be seen. She goes on to describe shame resilience: recognising shame, naming it and talking about it with someone who has earned the right to hear it.
What it actually means
Shame works in silence. The belief 'I am not good enough' grows when it is kept secret, because nothing contradicts it, and it loses force when it is said aloud to someone who responds with empathy. Brown's point is practical rather than confessional: the aim is not to tell everyone everything, but to stop letting the fear of exposure make decisions for you. Naming the feeling, even privately in writing, is the first step out of its grip.
How to use it
- 1The next time a setback leaves you wanting to hide, name the feeling in one sentence, on paper or to one person you trust.
- 2Identify the one or two people who have earned the right to hear your hard stories, and tell one of them something you have been keeping quiet.
- 3When a colleague admits a mistake, respond with understanding before you turn to the fix.