Concept
Entitlement
Entitlement is the belief that you are a special case: either too great or too wounded for the ordinary rules, effort and expectations that apply to everyone else.
Most people picture entitlement as arrogance. It is the colleague who thinks deadlines are for juniors, or the manager who never apologises. In The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson points to a second face that is easier to miss because it looks like pain: "Nobody has had it as hard as me, so you can't expect much from me." One version feels inflated and the other feels crushed, but both run on the same fuel: you are the exception. Both put you at the centre of the story. Both also excuse you from the dull, repetitive work that improvement actually requires. So the fix is not more self-esteem, and it is not more sympathy. It is accepting that you are ordinary. Your talents and your wounds are real, but they are not unique. That is a relief, not a defeat, because once there is nothing special to prove, the work becomes available again.
A real-life example
Two people miss the same promotion. Daniel decides the panel couldn't see his talent, and he stops volunteering for projects he considers beneath him. Priya has had a hard year, with a divorce and a sick parent. She decides nobody should expect her to take feedback right now. Their feelings are opposite, but they stop in the same place. Neither asks what the panel actually wanted, and neither practises it.
How to use it
- 1Catch the "because I'm…" sentence, such as "because I'm better than this" or "because I've been through so much", and write it down word for word.
- 2Ask what an ordinary person in your position would have to do next, and do that one dull thing this week.
- 3When you feel unfairly treated, separate what happened (real, maybe painful) from the conclusion that the rules no longer apply to you.