Concept
Lifestyle (Adlerian)
In Adlerian psychology, a lifestyle is the pattern of how you see yourself, other people and the world — a pattern you once chose, keep choosing every day, and can therefore choose to change.
Adler used "lifestyle" for what most of us call personality or character. In The Courage to Be Disliked, Kishimi and Koga argue that it isn't stamped on you in childhood and then sealed. You chose it once because it worked, and you keep choosing it because it's familiar. Change means living with uncertainty, while the old pattern never surprises you, however uncomfortable it is. That's why the useful question isn't "What made me this way?" but "What does staying this way get me now?" This is Adler's shift from causes to goals. A shy person may keep away from others so that rejection can never happen. Calling this a choice is not blame. What happened to you is real and it shapes you, but it doesn't decide for you. What's usually missing isn't ability. It's the courage to accept a less predictable version of yourself.
A real-life example
Maya, a junior analyst, says she's "just not someone who speaks up" because her older brothers always talked over her. In meetings she stays silent, even when she has spotted the flaw. Asked what the silence gets her, she admits that if she never offers an idea, nobody can judge it. With that goal named, she commits to saying one sentence in Thursday's meeting. Her past didn't change; her choice did.
How to use it
- 1Pick one trait you describe as "just how I am" and write down, in one line, the cause you usually blame for it.
- 2Ask what keeping that trait gets you today: what it protects you from, or what it lets you avoid facing.
- 3Choose one small, concrete action the old pattern wouldn't allow, do it this week, and note what actually happened.