Concept
Making Room
Making room is the skill of letting an unpleasant feeling or body sensation be present, breathing around it and giving it space, without liking it, wanting it or obeying it.
Defusion works on words. But anxiety doesn't only talk. It lands in the body as a pounding heart, a tight throat or a stomach that drops. You can't unhook from a knot in your chest by calling it a thought. Russ Harris, in The Happiness Trap, describes a different move here. Instead of pushing the sensation out, you open up around it and let it take the space it's already taking. This isn't resignation. You don't have to like the feeling or want it, and you don't have to do what it urges. Struggling with a sensation costs energy and often makes it louder. Making room frees your attention for what actually matters to you. The feeling may stay, shrink or shift, and none of those is the test. The test is whether you can keep acting on your values while it's there.
A real-life example
Daniel sits outside a job interview. His chest is tight and his hands are cold. His old reflex was to scroll his phone and order himself to calm down, which only tightened the knot. This time he notices exactly where the tightness sits, just below his collarbone. He breathes slowly into it and imagines the space around it widening. The tightness doesn't vanish. But he walks in, answers the first question steadily, and the sensation drifts into the background.
How to use it
- 1Observe: locate the sensation in your body and study it like a curious scientist. Notice where it starts, where its edges are, how warm it feels and whether it moves.
- 2Breathe into it: take slow breaths and imagine the air flowing around and into the sensation, widening the space around it instead of squeezing it out.
- 3Allow, then act: say silently, "I don't like this, but I can make room for it," then bring your attention back to the task in front of you.