Concept
Self-assertiveness
Self-assertiveness is Branden's fourth pillar: honouring your wants, needs and values and seeking appropriate ways to express them. It is not aggression and not the extrovert's volume.
Not saying what you think in the meeting, not asking for the raise, apologising before every request: each is a habit, and Branden's point is that the habit has a cost that compounds: each silence is a small verdict recorded by the self. Assertiveness in his sense is quiet and specific. It is the sentence said in the review, the request made without the apology in front of it, the no given without a paragraph of justification. It is the pillar most often missing where confidence is lowest, and it is also the one that depends on the others: you cannot assert a want you have not accepted having. Susan Cain's advice to prepare is the introvert's route into it, and a graceful no, given without apology, is one of its forms.
A real-life example
A logistics coordinator in Mersin starts every request with 'sorry to bother you, but…'. For one week she drops the apology. She asks the warehouse manager for the loading schedule a day earlier, and tells her team lead she wants to run the supplier call herself. Both say yes without comment, and she notices that the apology was the only thing making the requests sound unreasonable.
How to use it
- 1Make one request a day and cut the apology in front of it.
- 2Say one prepared sentence in every meeting, early.
- 3Give the no without a paragraph; a reason is enough.