Concept
Three kinds of empathy
The three kinds of empathy, as Daniel Goleman presents them in Focus, are cognitive empathy (understanding how another person sees a situation), emotional empathy (feeling with them) and empathic concern (caring about their wellbeing and being ready to help).
Goleman credits the distinction to emotion researchers, Paul Ekman among them, and uses it to show that the single word empathy hides three different skills. Each has its own use. Cognitive empathy helps a manager explain a change in terms that make sense to the listener; emotional empathy builds rapport and signals in the moment when something has landed badly; empathic concern is what makes people believe we are on their side. Each also fails when it stands alone. Understanding without concern can serve manipulation, since knowing what someone fears is exactly what a manipulator needs. Feeling without self-regulation can overwhelm, and Goleman describes carers and doctors who absorb so much distress that they withdraw or burn out. Concern without understanding can produce help that nobody wanted. The practical use of the framework is diagnostic: before a difficult conversation, ask which of the three the moment needs and which one you tend to skip.
A real-life example
A plant manager in Bursa has to tell a shift that overtime is being cut. He is good at explaining the numbers and usually stops there. This time he also watches the room as he speaks, pauses when two operators look at each other, and ends by offering one-to-one meetings on how the change affects each household budget.
How to use it
- 1Before a hard conversation, write one line for each kind: what they think, what they feel, what you can do for them.
- 2If you lean toward analysis, spend the first minute watching faces and voices only.
- 3If you tend to absorb others' distress, name your own state first, then return to their point of view.