Concept
Calibrated Questions
Calibrated questions are open-ended "how" and "what" questions that hand the other side the problem to solve, so they move toward your outcome while feeling in control.
When you push a demand, people push back; when you ask them how to make it work, they start working for you. That is the mechanism behind Chris Voss's calibrated questions. They are calibrated in two ways. First, in form: they start with "how" or "what," never "why" (which sounds like an accusation) and never as yes/no questions (which invite a cheap "no"). Second, in direction: they aim the other side's mental energy at your obstacle. "How am I supposed to do that?" forces a counterpart to confront the reality of an aggressive demand without you ever saying no. "What would it take to get this approved?" recruits them as your guide through their own organization. The question feels like deference; it functions as steering.
A real-life example
A landlord demands a 30% rent increase. Instead of refusing, the tenant asks, "How am I supposed to make that work on my salary?" The landlord, now holding the problem, starts negotiating against his own number — and proposes 12% with a longer lease before the tenant has made a single counteroffer.
How to use it
- 1Replace every "no" and every demand with a question starting with "how" or "what."
- 2Aim the question at your real obstacle: "How can I go back to my team with this?"
- 3Ask, then stop talking — the silence is where the other side does your work.