“Happiness is not out there for us to find. The reason that it's not out there is that it's inside us.”

Why it was said

Sonja Lyubomirsky writes this early in The How of Happiness, after reviewing how little changes in circumstance, such as a new job, a partner or a bigger home, do for lasting happiness once people have adapted to them. The line sets up the book's argument that much of what a person can change lies in how they think and act.

What it actually means

The line is not a claim that the outside world is irrelevant; the book itself counts circumstances as one part of the picture. It is a claim about where effort pays. Waiting for the right job or home to deliver happiness tends to disappoint, because we adapt to new circumstances. What stays within reach is how we notice, interpret and act on our days: gratitude, kindness, savoring, the goals we choose. Read next to Jonathan Haidt's view that happiness comes from between, the two fit together: the habits start inside, and many of them face outward, towards other people.

How to use it

1. 1When you catch yourself saying 'I'll be happy when…', write down one thing you could do this week that does not depend on that change.
2. 2Before a big purchase or move made mainly to feel better, ask which daily habit the same money or energy could support instead.