“In a very real sense we have two minds, one that thinks and one that feels.”

Why it was said

Daniel Goleman sets up this distinction at the start of Emotional Intelligence, drawing on the neuroscience of the early 1990s, before describing how the emotional mind can act faster than the rational one, in the episodes he calls emotional hijackings.

What it actually means

Goleman's 'two minds' are a way of describing two systems that usually work together but can pull apart: one deliberate and reflective, the other quick, impulsive and tuned to threat. Most of the time feeling informs thinking and the partnership works. Trouble starts when the emotional mind reacts before the rational mind has caught up, and we say or do something we would not choose on reflection. The line is not an argument against emotion; it is the case for noticing which mind is in charge at a given moment. The neuroscience has been refined since the book appeared, but the practical distinction holds.

How to use it

1. 1When you feel a strong reaction in a meeting, name it to yourself before you answer.
2. 2Set a rule for heated messages: write the reply, then wait an hour before sending it.
3. 3At the end of the day, note one moment when feeling decided before thinking, and what you would do differently.