Concept
Mirroring
Mirroring is repeating the last one to three words the other person said, as a question, which makes them keep talking and puts the hidden information into their second explanation.
In Never Split the Difference Chris Voss calls the mirror the simplest tool in the negotiator's kit and the one most people are too self-conscious to use. Repeat a few of their words with a rising tone, then wait. Humans are wired to elaborate when they hear themselves echoed, and the first answer to any question is usually a wall; the second, prompted by the mirror, is where the constraints, the deadline, or the real objection appear. What people get wrong is filling the silence. The mirror only works if you let the pause sit for four or five seconds, which feels far longer than it is, and resist the urge to explain yourself.
A real-life example
'We can't move on the price this quarter.' 'This quarter?' A pause. 'Well, the budget resets in October, and honestly the bigger issue is the delivery date.' In two words the buyer has learned both the timing and the real objection, neither of which was in the first answer.
How to use it
- 1Repeat the last one to three words of what they said, with a slight upward inflection.
- 2Then wait at least four seconds; count them if you have to.
- 3Use three mirrors in ordinary conversations today and notice how much more people tell you.